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Whose Prom Is It, Anyway? Advice for Mothers
Proms are a rite of passage and a great time to show how mature and sophisticated you are - hey, we're not talking about the Prom Queen's - we're talking about their mothers!
Well meaning, loving mothers have an unfortunate tendency to think it's their prom not their daughter's. Know that for a teenage girl it's the season for prom pressures. Your daughter has a big night and with it can come big anxieties - her dress, her date, her friends - the list goes on and on.
So give her your eye liner and lend her your earrings but don't share your anxieties:
You felt fat and dowdy at your prom, so you're determined that your daughter will feel like a movie star at her prom.
Don't project your feelings onto her. It's her prom, not yours. Let her decide how she wants to feel.
You take her to five different stores and make her try on everything. If she's going to be a star, she's got to have the perfect dress.
Don't be so involved with her. Don't try to control her. Get a life.
Then she tells you she doesn't even want to go to the prom. You say, "What do you mean, you don't want to go to the prom? Proms are the most important part of high school and you'll regret not going for the rest of your life. By the way, I made you an appointment to get your hair done that morning."
Don't overreact. Don't grill her with a million intrusive questions. Don't sulk. Don't try to bribe her into going.
She goes to the prom. You stay up all night waiting for her to come home and tell you everything. She tells you nothing.
You're too enmeshed with your daughter. Go find a friend your own age. And if you really want to find out how it went, don't ask your daughter, ask one of her friends who likes to talk.
It's her red carpet moment and it's your job to manage to keep it in perspective for her and for yourself. Enjoy her and her big night.
Copyright © 2003 Stephanie Pierson & Phyllis Cohen. Stephanie Pierson has written books and magazine articles on parenting. She has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, The View, and The Oxygen Network. Phyllis Cohen, CSW, is a psychotherapist who has a full-time private practice in New York City. She lectures on issues of adolescence and is a cofounder of the Brooklyn Center for Families in Crisis. Reprinted with permission.
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