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The Aftermath of Bullying
Jared High, a kind and sensitive young man, was 12 years old when older students bullied him at his middle school. The bullying came to a head when a well-known bully assaulted Jared inside his middle school gym. Because of the bullying and the assault, Jared began to show signs of depression, which included lack of sleep and emotional outbursts.
On the morning of September 29, 1998, just six days after his 13th birthday, Jared called his father at work to say good-bye. While on the phone with him, Jared shot himself, dying instantly.
For weeks after Jared’s death, I remember walking aimlessly from one end of the house to the other, pacing without even realizing it, forgetting why I was in the kitchen, or if I was supposed to get something. I was lost in a mental cloud, a fog that would not lift. I felt like I was going crazy. Why would such a sweet boy feel so desperately sad that he would take his life? How can any mother endure this pain?
About three weeks after Jared’s death, I was standing alone in the bathroom crying and praying. I needed help, something more than tears alone could relieve. A spiritual moment came over me and I felt directed to do the first of many healing projects, JaredStory.com, which has now attracted over a million visitors looking for information on bullying, depression, suicide and needing healing from the loss of a loved one.
In the years following Jared’s suicide, I began to communicate with other parents and found that I was not alone as a parent-survivor of "bullycide," a new term defined as a suicide attributed to bullying. Bullycide is happening all over the country. Rochelle Sides (Bully Police - Texas Director) tells her story:
"My 13 year old daughter Corinne was a bright, beautiful and talented girl. Her father and I had no idea for months prior to her death that she was being teased and harassed by two girls that we thought were her friends. One day they would be nice, and mean the next. This went on for 2 months. On October 6, 2004, these girls made it the theme of the day, that they wished Corinne was dead and that she should go home and kill herself. She went home after school and shot herself in the head. The school denies knowing anything prior or after concerning the events of that afternoon of the 6th."
While doing research for posting on JaredStory.com and gathering surveys from students, parents and survivors, I found a common complaint. Most schools have a lack of common sense anti bullying rules (policies) to protect their students from bullying. I found that States needed laws and schools needed policies and programs. By fighting at the State level for common sense laws, I felt that parents of bullied children would have recourse to demand a safe and secure environment within their schools. Guidelines, (anti bullying laws), are like road signs - when there are road signs, traffic runs smoothly and safely, but without road signs chaos follows. Most States are in "bullying chaos" and many children are traumatized every day at school with no help in sight.
In 2002, Bully Police USA Inc. became another healing project, but this time I shared the healing with other parents of bullied children. Starting with Washington State, I worked with lawmakers to get passage of the Washington State Anti Bullying Law as well as influencing passage of a law in Oklahoma and Vermont. Bully Police USA now has directors in 24 States and many of these directors, all volunteer, are seeing success. Virginia and Indiana just passed their anti bullying laws and are waiting for their Governor’s signature. Rochelle Sides is hopeful that Texas will soon pass a law and Jared birthplace, Arizona, is also a good possibility this year. Several other states are considering anti bullying laws this year, including South Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Maine, Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Wyoming and Alaska. A small army of dedicated mothers and activists are trying to make a difference for all of our kids. However, unless all concerned citizens, (parents, students, administrators, teachers, etc.), declare an attitude of change as well as demand good laws to protect children in schools from the violence of bullying, this dysfunctional behavior will continue to be an epidemic all over the United States.
Sometimes I lay awake at night thinking about some of the phone calls and email I had that day from students and parents who are suffering from the effects of bullying. I dream of things I can say and do to help these people. I also dream for that day when all children will be safe in school, the day they will love going to school and the day they will be excited to learn in school… Some people might call this an impossible dream but I believe that anything can happen when enough people share that impossible dream.
Will you help make my dreams come true?
Continue reading about bullying with more articles located at myparentime.com:
Below are just a few websites with related information:
Below are a few books relating to this article:
 The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School -- How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of Violence - Barbara Coloroso. Read more about and purchase this book through Amazon.com's secure server!
Click HERE or on the image of the books to give this gift to yourself or someone else!
Bully: Does Anyone Deserve to Die? - Jim Schutze. Read more about and purchase this book through Amazon.com's secure server!
Click HERE or on the image of the books to give this gift to yourself or someone else!
Bully - Judith Caseley. Read more about and purchase this book through Amazon.com's secure server!
Click HERE or on the image of the books to give this gift to yourself or someone else!
Bye-Bye, Bully: A Kid's Guide for Dealing with Bullies Elf-Help Books for Kids - J. S. Jackson. Read more about and purchase this book through Amazon.com's secure server!
Click HERE or on the image of the books to give this gift to yourself or someone else!
Click here to read other articles by Brenda High.
Copyright © Brenda High. Brenda lives in Pasco Washington with her husband Bill. They have three grown children, Sonja, Jacob and Tara, and two grandchildren. She has a Bachelors Degree in Psychology from B.Y.U. Brenda maintains two websites, JaredStory.com, and BullyPolice.org, and is the Executive Director of Bully Police USA, Inc. Reprinted with permission.
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