|
Staying Connected with Your Teenager
It sometimes surprises me how quickly time goes by. One minute you're a mom with a baby, the next minute you have a toddler. Then before you know it, your baby is stuck right in the midst of those crazy teenage years. How many times have you heard yourself say, "It felt like it was just yesterday..." Well when I think about it, it really does feel like it was yesterday.
Another summer spent with my child has come and gone. In just a few short years, my baby will be an adult. Since the teenage years truly go by so quickly, and our teenagers change drastically from year to year, we should take the time to treasure these moments with them. One year your teen may enjoy your company; the next year they may not want to be seen with you. No matter what, never give up on them, never stop making yourself available, and never stop being their parent. Time goes by too fast, so make the most of the time you have with your teen.
Below are some things that you can do to stay connected with your teen:
Talk to them -- Always keep the lines of communication open. There are many topics that teens won't want to talk to you about, but they're important enough to bring up (ie: Sex, drugs, alcohol, relationships, etc.). Start the ball rolling and let them know that you will always be there for them. Respect them as you would an adult, allow them some privacy, and continue to offer your advice...even when it seems they aren't listening. Many times they are, but just don't want you to know.
Say I love you every day. Sure, your kids may know you love them, but nothing says it more than the words themselves. You can even text it to them. Be direct. They'll always remember and be glad you did...even if they don't say it.
Spend quality time. If you don't get a chance to spend time with your teen on a continual basis, you should schedule time where you get together. Go to the movies, spend the day shopping or at the beach. Do something they want to do. The only way you'll get to know their likes and dislikes, is to spend time with them. Continue to do things together.
Ask them about their day. It seems like such a simple thing -- but when you show your teen you care about their day, it shows them you care about them. Ask them what they did and how they felt about things. This is a great time to offer advice if they need it.
Help them redecorate their room. The teenage years bring on a lot of changes -- in your child, and in your child's tastes. They'll probably change the style of clothes they wear, the music they listen to, and so it's likely they'll want to change their atmosphere where they spend the most time -- their bedroom. Be open to their style changes -- if they'd be happy with just a rearrangement of their furniture, maybe you could help them with that. Allow them freedom to design, as long as they don't damage anything. If you can afford to repaint their room and/or purchase new furniture, don't forget to involve your teen in the process.
Let them download music. Music = expression. Expression = music. Music = happiness. Don't you want your teen to walk around happy?
Let them skip or delay occasional chores if their behavior is good. If your teen is doing everything right (good behavior, good grades, respectful), think about allowing them to skip or delay an occasional chore. Many families rely on chores being done on schedule, so if this doesn't work for your family, just skip it. :)
Help with homework.
Even though teens may be able to handle an increased school work load, show them you care enough to continue to be involved in their schooling.
Offer to chauffeur. Not yet old enough to drive, and not safe enough to drive with newly licensed friends, teens need to find other ways to get around. Sure there's nothing wrong with public transportation or using a bicycle, but there are times when it just doesn't work out. If you're able to, offer to drive your teen and their friends to the movies, or to a friend's house, etc.
Keep the refrigerator stocked. All kids should have access to healthy fruits and vegetables -- have plenty on hand for your teenager and their friends.
Offer small jobs for extra money. Every teen needs pocket money besides their allowance...and if your family doesn't provide allowances, this is a great way for your teen to earn some spending money. Some examples are: washing the car, bookkeeping, paper filing, and other chores not on their regular chore schedule.
Wish lists. Asking your teen to keep a wish list will help you surprise them when they least expect it. Have them fill out our Printable Wish List and hang it on their door. Their wish list can contain things they would like to do, as well as material things. When you want to do something special for them, or want to buy them something, it will be something that they want. :)
Sometimes it's the little things that make the most impact, especially with teenagers. I hope the above suggestions give you ideas for what to use in your own family, and that you continue to connect with your teen as they grow.
Post a comment about this article in our blog.
Other articles on MyParenTime.com:
Staying Involved In Your Child's Life, by the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign.
Helpful checklists:
Talk to Children About... (Alcohol, Drugs, Puberty, & Sex)
Below are some books relating to this article. Use Amazon.com's secure server to order:
Click here to read other articles by My ParenTime's Family Community.
Copyright © My ParenTime's Family Community. This article may not be reproduced without written permission.
|