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Independence and Confidence: One Method of Parenting Attempts to Provide these Qualities to Children
There may be many of you who disagree with what you will read here - please understand that the opinions are mine, and that it's ok to disagree :). I am sharing one viewpoint - that of my family. I do not wish to denounce other methods of child-rearing, but instead I wish to share something that I am very proud of.
Many parents don't stop to realize, that the way they parent will have a lasting effect on their children. Everything they do affects them - their response to difficult situations, if they yell, if they hit or spank, how often they hold their children close...every word and every action will affect a child forever.
I invite you to read the following article, and think about your own family's parenting styles. The more we share with others, the less ignorance there will be to go around :).
Before I became a parent, I was aware that there were different styles of parenting. But it wasn't until after I became a mom that I learned about the different styles, which category my family fell into, and which one would be best for us.
While I was pregnant, I read a lot about breastfeeding. I always knew I would try it - if it worked out, great! I would be able to provide the best food for my baby. Turns out it did work for us, and I ended up breastfeeding my baby until she was 3 years old. I crossed over many hurdles during my breastfeeding experience - believe me...it doesn't always come naturally, or as easy as some would lead you to believe :). In the beginning, our baby would wake up in the middle of the night and want to nurse, and as new moms know - you can get pretty darn tired those first few months! So, I began bringing my baby into bed with me. I made sure she slept on my side (not between my husband and I) and used many props (including a safety rail for the bed) so she would be safe. Bringing our baby to bed saved my sanity! We discovered that it helped all of us sleep better at night.
I received a lot of negative comments about our parenting style from some family and friends - they couldn't understand why I was nursing so long. They really just had no idea of the benefits of extended nursing. When they also learned about our sleeping arrangements, they tried to warn us of all the damage we would be bestowing upon our child. No one told us of the exact "damage" we would be doing - it was just ignorance that kept them from keeping an open mind. Friends thought our child would be too dependent on us and that she might turn out shy and withdrawn. I responded by sharing all the information I could find on the benefits of extended nursing and the family bed style of parenting. I researched online and through books, and found that hey, there were other parents out there like us! Our method of parenting even had a name -- "Attachment Parenting," a term coined by Dr. Sears. At last, I had found a support group! Something that had come completely natural to us, had actually been given a name! I felt more empowered than ever to share our parenting style.
Our family and friends eventually accepted and even supported our methods. My mother was our biggest supporter - she would tear out newspaper article after newspaper article on extended nursing and the family bed. If there were any non-believers left, she would tell them, "Don't worry...she won't be nursing on her wedding day," or "She'll be out of their bed before she gets married." We also found that our baby was happiest when she was held...so many times I did chores around the house with my baby in a front carrier :).
My mother would also send me articles on positive discipline. My husband and I decided from day one that we would never spank or hit our child. And like all of our other parenting methods, we encountered non-believers on this issue too. "How are you going to get your child to listen?" and "You're in for some rough parenting days," they would say. But, just like the extended nursing and family bed, positive discipline came very natural to us. We couldn't see how spanking or hitting our child could bring about any good. We speak openly and honestly with our child, and try to understand her feelings. There is never any reason for us to use physical discipline. Our family believes that spanking children makes them feel diminished as people...and children are people. They deserve to be treated with respect. We believe that spanking creates more children who are insecure, afraid and sometimes aggressive. They are more apt to grow up believing that hitting is the only way to solve problems in life. Our family is one that proves that spanking is not a necessary form of discipline.
One last thing we did is homeschool until our child entered kindergarten. For many reasons, not everyone is able to homeschool. I would have loved to try homeschooling further, if it weren't for the fact that our daughter couldn't wait to join other children in school. We couldn't keep her from it -- I enjoyed school and believe that she should have the opportunity to experience the same. There was also a part of me that questioned whether we could provide all the knowledge our child needed to learn. So, our daughter is learning a lot in school, and we are supplementing her learning during non-school hours. We make learning fun and interesting for her, and so far things are working out wonderfully. I believe that parents should offer opportunities to learn at home. Remember - parents are a child's first teachers :).
There are many different parenting styles - you must find one that works for you and your family. If it isn't working, try another. Since our child is a few years older now, I can look back and say that we must have done something right. She is turning out to be bright, independent, confident, and outgoing. If you give a child security and closeness in their childhood, they're more likely to be rewarded with independence and security well into their adulthood. Isn't this something that all parents wish for their children?
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Copyright © My ParenTime's Family Community. Any information obtained in this article should not be construed as medical or legal advice. The above information is presented for educational purposes only, and it is not a substitute for informed advice or training. Please do not copy or use this information to diagnose or treat any problems without consulting a qualified professional.
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