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Taking the Time to Communicate
 Defined in the American Heritage Dictionary, Communication is "the exchange of thoughts, messages, or information". It's probably easy for us all to "exchange information" within our family, but how easily do we share our thoughts with each other?
I hear many parents saying to their children, "Use your words"..."How will we know how you're feeling if you don't tell us?". Can you imagine saying this to your spouse? "Honey, please use your words so I can know how you're feeling." You may think this sounds somewhat amusing, but we all need to do this in order to communicate more effectively with each other. Just as we teach our children how to speak and share their feelings with us, we as parents need to remember that we also need to share our feelings with our family - children and spouses alike.
Women, imagine yourselves asking your husbands or significant other to take out the garbage or fix the disposal as soon as they get home from a day at work - what kind of an answer would you get? How he answers may be a direct response of how his day went. If he had a good day, he may go along with your request. If he had a bad day, he may not be so accepting. What if you first asked him how his day went? He may tell you that his day went ok. Then you'd smile and proceed to hand him the garbage. But what did you really say to each other? Did you learn anything about his day? Why did his day go well? Do you believe he thinks that you actually care about his day?
Now men, you may be thinking that your wives are the only ones who should ask these questions. Not so. Men also need to keep the lines of communication open, to allow their partners to share their thoughts. Although many women don't have a problem sharing their thoughts, it's nice for women to be asked how they're feeling - this is a great way to keep the gates of communication open. Try taking turns asking your partner how their day was...you may actually hear some very interesting stories :-)!
Many times couples get so comfortable in their routine that they forget the little things - especially how to express their thoughts. Communication is one of the most important "connectors" in a family. Once this is gone, the glue that holds the family together begins to break apart. But just sharing your thoughts doesn't mean that you're communicating. In order for communication to be effective, there needs to be at least 2 players. Think of it as a ping pong ball. One person hits the ball to the other, then that person hits it back. One person will speak, while the other listens. Then, if you need to ask questions to confirm that you've understood what the other person says, it's your turn to do so. If you've understood what was just said, you can then bounce the ball back and allow the other person to continue the conversation.
When communicating your feelings to someone, the best way to do so is to let them know how "you" are feeling. Instead of saying "You always make me feel like...", try this: "I always feel...". By speaking this way, you are communicating to someone about how "you" are feeling. This eliminates the need for the other person to be put in a defensive position, and allows for the start of a healthy discussion.
Communication is a process that can and should be learned, and always holds room for improvement. Don't wait until you're not communicating to find help. If you make the effort to "exchange thoughts and information" with your spouse and children on a daily basis, you'll be doing them the greatest service that there is - working to keep your family connected.
Below are just a few of the Internet sites that deal with family communication:
Below are a few books that deal with the topic of family communication:
 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: Building a Beautiful Family Culture in a Turbulent World: - Stephen R. Covey. Here's a book with something "for all parents interested in enhancing the strength and beauty of their own families". Includes helpful suggestions about changing everyday behavior. Buy it now through Amazon.com's secure server!
Click HERE or on the image of the books to give this gift to yourself or someone else!
You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation: - Deborah Tannen. Discusses the "sense of frustration that men and women feel when trying to communicate with members of the opposite sex". Buy it now through Amazon.com's secure server!
Click HERE or on the image of the books to give this gift to yourself or someone else!
The Good Marriage: How and why Love Lasts: - Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee. Learn the secrets to a long-lasting marriage. Buy it now through Amazon.com's secure server!
Click HERE or on the image of the books to give this gift to yourself or someone else!
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