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Your Family - Healthy or Supercharged?
The tragedies of Littleton and Georgia have forced parents to
reevaluate their thinking. Exactly what is a healthy family?
Contemporary American culture idealizes the 'supercharged' family.
This family, like the Energizer bunny, goes, and goes, and goes... The
recent school tragedies have upset cultural ideas about such a family.
This supercharged family has met reality head-on. It is not a stable
family; it is not a healthy family.
The first step toward emotionally healthy families is seceding from the
mindless materialism and vulgarity of contemporary American society.
Once this step is underway, parents can focus on changing their
family. Change begins with family members talking to each other, and
spending time together.
The second step is realizing that having an emotionally healthy family
is a process. This occurs gradually and is something the family
members must work to achieve and maintain. Family health, like
physical health, can deteriorate. Healthy functioning requires much
effort, yet becomes a rewarding way of life.
Following are some characteristics of healthy families. These
characteristics are achievable through effort by both parents and
children. They are achieved a little at a time, yet are well worth the
effort.
Members of healthy families share their feelings with each other in a
non-threatening manner. Anger is expressed without attacking the
offending party. Criticism is not perceived as a personal attack.
Problems are worked through, rather than avoided or turned into
opportunities for the family to fragment.
Family members give trust and acceptance. They are accountable to
each other and the moral code of their beliefs. Healthy families
worship and share spiritual growth together. This is a family held
together by bonds of loyalty, love and tradition, rather than force,
guilt and fear.
Rules and expectations are clear and consistent. Communication is
open and direct, rather than filled with hidden loyalties and secrets.
Change is tolerated, and family members are willing to live with the
unchangeable. Since they are secure in their identity, people and
ideas that are different are not seen as threats.
Growth and achievements are celebrated within healthy families. Such
events are not viewed as threatening, but as successes shared
among the members. Events such as birthdays and holidays are
enjoyed rather than dreaded.
Parents make themselves available to their children. Even in their
availability, the parents remain in the parental role and do not attempt
to become the child's 'best friend'.
The family often serves as a shock absorber to changes in society. An
emotionally healthy family will provide a smoother ride for its members
and the community. Striving to become a healthy family is an
investment of time and effort whose return exceeds that of the stock
exchange. Families, like any endeavor, provide rewards commensurate
to the time and effort spent in maintenance.
Copyright © Jeff Murrah, a mental health and substance abuse counselor, with nineteen years experience. He
conducts workshops, parenting classes and contributes a monthly parenting column, and homeschools his three children. Reprinted with permission.
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