|
Dishonesty
Dishonesty is an issue that parents tend to tackle with far too little
regard for the child's point of view. It is surely important, when a child
has been dishonest, to get to the facts of what happened and to encourage
the child to face up to them. But it is rarely good to probe into the
child's motives, and always wrong to push for a confession. After all, it
may be nothing more than embarrassment or shame that caused the child to
wriggle out of something by means of a half-truth to begin with, and if
pressed, he may be so afraid of the consequences that he will tell an
outright lie.
It is always best to believe in the power of good and to give a child the
benefit of doubt. Forgiveness is necessary dozens of times a day. No matter
how many times a child gets into trouble, never lose faith in him. To label
a child as hopeless is to be tempted by despair, and to the extent that
despair is a lack of hope, it is also a lack of love.
The willingness to be vulnerable is an important part of parenting, too. For
my wife and me, few experiences brought us as close to our children as the
times we overreacted but then realized it and asked them to forgive us. If
nothing else, it reminded us each time that just as we adults depend on the
promise of being able to start over every morning, children do too. They
should always be given the same chance, no matter how bad the previous day.
And no matter what they are going through, they should always feel the
assurance that we are ready to stand by them - not hovering over them, but
at their side.
Obviously, every family has its ups and downs, its trying moments, its
embarrassing dramas. There is nothing as emotionally complex as the
relationship between a parent and a child. But there is also nothing as
beautiful. And that is what we need to hold on to whenever we reach the end
of our rope.
Copyright © Johann Christoph Arnold. From "Endangered: Your Child in a Hostile World" (Plough, 2000).
Free ebook & interactive website. Order the paperback 1-800-521-8011(US), 0800 018 0799(UK). Reprinted with permission.
|
