|
Stepfamilies: We're Here to Stay
By Dawn Miller.
Stepfamilies may not see their reality mirrored in the remake of "Yours, Mine & Ours" or the blissfully sappy Brady bunch, but the truth is – stepfamilies are all around us. Let’s take a look at the statistics and how things are changing.
Stepfamilies represent a large chunk of the population. More people today in the United States live in stepfamilies, than in nuclear families. One in three Americans today is part of a stepfamily – we are stepparents, stepchildren, stepsiblings, and more. In one decade, from 1980 to 1990, the number of stepfamilies increased by more than 35%.
We have a positive view of marriage, but our marriages are under stress from the demands of stepfamily life. Although one or both spouses in a stepfamily is previously married (and subsequently widowed or divorced), we continue to believe that marriage is worth emotionally investing in. Seventy-five per cent of the people divorcing today will eventually remarry and 43% of all marriages today are remarriages.
The first four years in a stepfamily can be especially conflict-prone. Researchers point out that among ethnic groups, such as Asian-Americans and whites, where stepfamily life is less institutionalized and less "the norm," marriages that form stepfamilies experience significant stress.
We are raising children, and we need extra support to help us raise resilient strong, and healthy young people. Government statistics currently don’t track the number of children in stepfamilies, but research indicates that one-third of America’s children are growing up in stepfamilies. African-American children are more likely to live in a stepfamily than Hispanic or white children.
Three-quarters to two-thirds of children who grow up in a stepfamily don’t have serious problems emotionally or act out. However, statistics show that children growing up in stepfamilies are more likely to need psychological counseling, have problems in school, and get in trouble more often then children in intact nuclear two-parent families. Researchers point out that many of these children were enduring significant problems prior to their parents’ divorce as well.
Parents in stepfamilies are less engaged in the lives of their children, than in intact nuclear families. This needs to change. Parents raising children in stepfamilies are less likely to volunteer at a child’s school, chaperone a class trip or take on big time commitments like coaching a soccer team or heading up the PTA. Because many stepfamilies are formed when single mothers marry, these children often lose their role as "confidante" to their mother after she remarries. Stepfamilies need more help relating to their children and more support from society and extended family at spending time with their children.
Our residential patterns can negatively affect the educational achievement of the children we are raising. Researchers have said that residential mobility accounts for about 60% of the negative difference between children in stepfamilies and children in two-parent nuclear families. The residential upheaval suffered by children when stepfamilies form, often causes children to switch school districts and lose friends and familiar teachers. Surely this plays a role in lower school achievement for children in stepfamilies. School districts are starting to improve communication with stepfamilies and non-custodial parents, but much more could be done.
We have special financial considerations. Although studies put nuclear and stepfamilies about equal in terms of annual income, they do point to less financial stability for stepfamilies. The financial challenges of paying child support and supporting a home can be daunting. Contrary to popular myth, the remarriage of a father does not mean that he is more likely to halt or lower child custody payments. One study even found that compliance with child support actually increased after remarriage.
Stepparents do not have clear roles or role models, and they are often expected to assume a parental role. One study found that there was no clear consensus among stepfamily members about what the role of the stepparent should be – although most of the adults felt it should be "parental" - pointing out the role confusion in many stepfamilies. Although stepparents are often expected to assume a parental role to stepchildren both financially and emotionally, that expectation does not come with legal protections. In most states, stepparents cannot even authorize emergency medical treatment for their stepchildren.
The statistics have a lot to say. We need community groups, youth-serving agencies, religious organizations, schools, government agencies, nonprofits, the popular media, and others to consider how they can help stepfamilies and communicate better with them. We are part of American life and we’re here to stay.
Copyright © Dawn Miller. Dawn writes a column on life in blended families at TheStepfamilyLife.com. Website links about stepfamilies, a free e-newsletter and bookstore are available. Reprinted with permission.
|
