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Dawn Miller

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A Child Together: Our Dream

By Dawn Miller.

Less than a year ago – my husband and I sat in a surgical center behind a curtain nervously waiting for the medical team to wheel him away for an operation. All around us – people having cataract surgeries and other procedures were freaking out and relatives paced nervously – we giggled. Because he was going in for a vasectomy reversal.

It was a big moment for us – because it signaled a reversal of heart too.

Months before he had dropped a bomb shell on me while we were traveling in Seattle – and announced he wasn’t sure he wanted to have a child with me. I was distraught. I wondered where the man was that I married – the one who crowed happily about how much he wanted to have a child with me? Were the strains of building a blended family now going to embitter and deny us the joy of having a child together?

After three children in his first marriage – and with college for the baby in our sights within a few years – he was thinking down the road to his old age. He worried about bringing another child into a world where we might not agree or that our marriage would go belly-up under the strain. And that my life would be wrapped up entirely in caring for others and not in enjoying our life together.

It was the ultimate test of our marriage – would we be able to stay together and put each other’s needs ahead of our own? He realized how disappointed I was – but that even his declaration – which I viewed as a betrayal of our hopes and dreams for a life together - would mean I wouldn’t leave him.

They were dark days. But I think we both finally realized that our marriage was for real. Even our emotional wounding of each other could not drive us apart. We had to trust each other and learn to love – really love each other.

He apologized profusely for causing me pain and sorrow. We both said we were selfish– and should consider the needs of the other ahead of our own. We talked for a long time about the future, our finances, and our lives. He spoke to his children - and much to his surprise – found out that they like the idea of us having a child together.

And here we were months later – excited and going into surgery. Giggle. Giggle. Now we’re waiting and hoping for a blessing we both truly want to come our way – our child.

Copyright © Dawn Miller. Dawn writes a column on life in blended families at TheStepfamilyLife.com. Website links about stepfamilies, a free e-newsletter and bookstore are available. Reprinted with permission.

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