|
Summer Visitation Planning Tips
By Dawn Miller.
Whether it’s a week, a month or the entire summer, a visit to a non-custodial parent can be life-changing for your child. Often adults set the stage for a child’s summer visit. Here’s a few tips to help:
Tip # 1 - Iron out the details. Your custody agreement usually provides a jumping off point detailing summer visitation length. Frequently a phone call or e-mails to the bio-parent are needed to discuss travel plans and dates.
Don’t start the summer off on a bad note. Make these exchanges hospitable. Even if you don’t get along well with your ex-spouse, resolve to treat him or her with civility. If you have a hostile ex-spouse who lobs bitter invective at you, refuse to take the bait and escalate.
Make your call early and ink dates on the calendar. If changes must be made to the visitation schedule, most divorce and custody agreements require at least 30 days notice. If the other household must make travel arrangements for the child, discuss drop-off times, layovers and allow time for advance ticket purchasing.
Discuss confirming the child’s safe arrival and how often you plan to talk to the child. If the child is visiting for several weeks, you may want to agree to a regular weekly time when you will talk to the child. Don’t forget to cover health needs, eating habits and bedtime rituals. Make sure the other parent has contact information for your family doctor and for you, especially if you are taking a vacation while your child is visiting the other house.
Tip #2 - Don’t use "stuff" to hurt your child. Pack familiar clothing and toys for the trip. A frequent problem I hear from families hosting a child for a summer visit is that the "other" household refuses to send any clothing or toys for the child. This childish behavior by adults forces the non-custodial household to spend money to outfit the child.
Moms and Dads - what are you thinking? This petty behavior leaves your child without a cozy teddy bear to snuggle and nothing familiar. Most parents won’t send their child to a sleepover across the street without a duffel bag in tow - a summer visit should be no different.
If you are concerned that items won’t be returned with your child at the end of the visit, pack light, but pack something. Find out if your child will need any special items for the trip, such as a swimsuit, hiking boots or sports equipment. An older child or teen should be able to keep track of his/her things and repack them with minimal assistance. If your child is younger, include a packing list in your child’s luggage, so items can be marked off when they are repacked.
Tip #3 - Prepare your child emotionally and physically for the visit. Talk to your child about the trip, how he or she will travel and what belongings will go. Encourage your child to spend quality time with the other parent and to have fun. Talk about the activities they will do at the other house and what it will be like.
Remind your child to be polite to everyone in the "other" household. Be clear with your child about what items should be packed to return. Tell your child how often you will call or write to him/her. Explain your schedule while the child is gone.
Children who are temporarily leaving the parent they live with year-round, may feel guilty about "leaving you alone." Or they may miss all the fun their stepbrothers and sisters will have. Don’t guilt your child about the visit or excessively regale him or her with tales of fabulous family fun on the phone.
A summer visit can help your child develop and strengthen a relationship with the non-custodial parent. It does not have to write a new chapter in the divorce war.
Copyright © Dawn Miller. A thirty-something wife and stepmom of three, Dawn writes a bi-weekly column on life in stepfamilies at TheStepfamilyLife.com. Website links about stepfamilies, a free newsletter and book reviews are available. Reprinted with permission.
|
