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The Great And Naked Houdini & His Assistant
By Lisa Barker.
I followed the trail of clothing down the hall. Somehow, my one-year old son had freed himself from these repressive articles.
There were the pink jammy bottoms (hey, he's MY son and he's secure in his masculinity so he can endure this hand-me-down), then the t-shirt...and the diaper?
Nope. Hadn't gotten to that yet.
How does he do that? The boy can't get a fork to his mouth, but he can strip and climb the highest bed, sofa or table with amazing ease.
I'm thinking his two-year old sister is an accomplice, especially since she's a self-styled nudist herself.
Why do toddlers do that? It's cute and sometimes annoying, but at the drop of a hat you see them streak through the house. Whee, no clothes!!
It was always a game when my eldest were toddlers. Fresh from the bath, and sometimes still dripping, round and round the house they'd race, chanting "Noodie doodie, noodie doodie!"
And ya gotta be fast, too. Sometimes the thrill of streaking is a bit overwhelming and, well, there are accidents. Mind you, these are the un-potty-trained.
On the other hand, as much as the little ones enjoy their clothing emancipation, they've got a blankie the size of a Queen-size bed throw. And here comes the two-year old now, thumb in mouth, giant pink-gray frazzled blankie in tow.
I recall using duct tape on my third child when he was in diapers. You know, duct tape, the ever-all-purposeful handy tool of veteran moms. If you've got duct tape, you can solve any problem. Ergo, the son with the gray 'belt' on his diapers.
(Duct tape, by the way, also keeps your television cabinet shut so one doesn't discover fistfuls of Cheerios and crayons in the VCR. Duct tape also helps brothers and sisters bond. When you've got bickering siblings and you threaten to make them conjoined twins for the rest of the day, they suddenly find it within themselves to practice a little charity with one another.)
But I digress.
The greatest feat of the knee-high bumpkins is their ability to open every single door you have carefully toddler proofed.
How is that an adult can spend twenty minutes trying to get into the bathroom and the two-year old can turn the knob in 15 seconds flat? Why does it take me a bit of effort to open a bottle of aspirin and a child no trouble at all? And what about those car seats? Whoever thought that a nimble-fingered toddler COULDN'T slip the straps off her shoulders and wiggle her way out of the armrest must never have been a parent.
Hmmmmm. I'll have to remember to take her along the next time I go shopping. Just in case I leave my keys in the car.
Copyright © Lisa Barker. Lisa of Greenfield is a syndicated humor columnist and mom of five. Her latest book is "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane...Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" See JellyMom.com for more information. Reprinted with permission.
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