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Kid Magnets
By Lisa Barker.
I can't get my kids' attention to save my life. I could literally set myself on fire and dance in front of the television and they'd all tip to their left to see around me.
YET...let me pick up that phone and BAM! Five kids have the most urgent messages for me. There's nothing like trying to hold a conversation with somebody tugging on your sleeve and launching into a five minute monologue at the exact same decibel as the person on the line. If it's somebody important, you cover the mouthpiece and whisper harshly: Go away! Later!
But if it's your husband or your sister, you pepper your conversation with: I'M ON THE PHONE! GET DOWN FROM THERE! WHO LET THE BABY EAT THE DOGFOOD?!
Here's another kid magnet: A good book. Open up ANY book and get interested and somebody is petting your arm or shoulder. "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom."
"What?"
"Uhhhh."
What, they can't remember longer than ten seconds? So you go back to reading.
"MOM!"
"What!"
"Uhhhh."
How about the bathroom? Nobody cares about me until I want a little privacy. Then, it's, "Can I have a snack?"
"Do you think I have anything in here you'd like to sample?"
"How long are you going to be?"
"As long as it takes!" Little do they know that at the push of a button the bathroom morphs into a private mom spa complete with a chocolate buffet and fan waving slaves. Or do they?
How about when you're trying to pay the bills? "600 take away 50--"
"Mom, I have something for you."
"Equals 450...plus 50 equals..."
"Mom, did you say we could have three cookies or five because John Daniel took six cookies..."
"500? No, 450... What!?!"
"Six, he took six--"
"650? Hey, honey did you know we're fifty dollars ahead this week?"
The all time greatest kid magnet is when you get a few moments to talk to your dear husband and suddenly a head pops up between you. "I'm sorry, is the fact that your father and I are having a conversation bothering you?"
So I've learned a few tricks.
When conversing on the phone and a child comes within range, say: Yes, I think the curriculum for the military academy is quite excellent and I'm sure my child could definitely benefit from it.
When heading for the bathroom, grab cleaning supplies -- nobody ever wants to help mom scrub the toilet--then ditch them once you close the door.
Create a book cover titled "101 Chores When Your Kids Have Nothing Better To Do." Slip it on your favorite novel and enjoy.
When paying the bills place a tip jar on the table. They can give up part of their allowance if they REALLY have to talk to you. (If your children don't have an allowance, this might be a good reason to give them one!)
When talking with your husband, give him a smooch when children get in range. This almost always clears the room!
But, don't worry. None of these ideas will keep your children away indefinitely. Eventually they will want to eat, or be chauffeured somewhere or need their clothes washed. Mom, you're invaluable. Don'tcha love it?
Copyright © Lisa Barker. Jelly MomTM is written by Lisa Barker and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent and is available for newspapers, websites, e-zines and newsletters. For more information and details, please contact editor@parenttoparent.com. Reprinted with permission.
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