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Exercise
By Lisa Barker.
I was visiting an online community and the discussion was exercise. Now I’m a big fan of exercise. I love a good work out. That’s why I make lots of lemonade...because it gets hot sitting in the sun watching other people power-walk past my house.
One person posted a challenge to inspire us to exercise:
Level 1 – 60 min.
Level 2 – 90 min.
Level 3 – 120 min. and so on.
I asked, "What’s this?? 60 minutes a day, week, month or YEAR? I’m clearly in the ‘year’ category."
"Lisa, you crack me up!"
"Yeah, but I’m SERIOUS. I parked my butt six years ago and I haven’t taken it out for a drive since...which probably explains the extra sixty pounds I am carrying in the trunk."
Isn’t it the truth? Somewhere you go from being a child on-the-go to a sedentary adult. (If you haven’t, don’t let me know. I couldn’t handle the truth.)
So I went on a ‘diet’ for the first four days of July. I tried an all fruit and veggie diet. Man, did that make me grouchy. Why can’t I just WILL this extra weight off like I did when I was younger?
Who wants a skinny grandma? I’m going to be a grandma some day so I’m just getting in shape for it now. My friend agreed. Do the grandkids want to hear: "Anyone for carrot sticks?" or "Brownieeeeeeees!"
Another friend said she went on a bike ride and thought her heart would pop out of her chest. I could sympathize. Just thinking about exercise makes my heart beat that hard.
Why is it that when you cut out the junk food and eat right you GAIN weight? I went up four pounds during my diet stint. Then I went back to my normal grazing and dropped back down. What can we conclude from this? Cortisol is responsible.
Cortisol is the hormone that is released under stress. You go on a diet, you miss your favorite foods, you stress over this, you release cortisol and then you gain weight. You can’t win!
The truth is that I am getting sick of walking into the wind and looking like I’m nine-months pregnant. The gossip-news is carrying on about how it looks as if Britney Spears is having twins. Come on, I’m BIGGER than Britney Spears!
My mom suggested a girdle. I’ve seen the ads. A girdle can make you look svelte and pounds lighter. But is it worth the mad hornet I’d turn into squeezing into one? How about those stretchy things that start from just under your breastbone and go down to just above your knees? I could make PMS history wearing one of those things.
"And here is the memorial to a woman all of us can aspire to. She took out three parking meters and a pedestrian’s purse the day she tried wearing one of those cruel spandex body-suits...in the middle of summer...in an van without air-conditioning."
I am committed to getting back in shape. I’d like to be a healthy forty-year old. That means I’ve got to start walking. And I have. Today I walked from the computer desk to the refrigerator. This afternoon I’m going to walk from the front door to the van. As a bonus I might walk from the van to the mailbox...just as soon as I pull up alongside the curb. Hey, small steps!
Copyright © Lisa Barker. Jelly MomTM is written by Lisa Barker and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent and is available for newspapers, websites, e-zines and newsletters. For more information and details, please contact editor@parenttoparent.com. Reprinted with permission.
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