|
Valentine’s Day is Past...How to Make the Love Last
At this point, all that remains of Valentine’s Day is the love. For most people, love is the strongest and most versatile of the emotions. The young wrestle with puppy love, while the passionate among us seek eternal love. There is platonic, romantic, and even forbidden love. But, by and large, the most powerful love is the one parents feel for their children.
The Greeks have a special word for parental love—agape. Plato believed agape to be a divine love. He defined it as unconditional, self-sacrificing, and thoughtful. He also considered it an active love. To Plato, agape was more than a feeling. It was a tangible choice demonstrated with loving behavior.
When we use positive action to express our feelings, we demonstrate loving behavior.
Loving behaviors are external expressions of our internal love. They can be anything from a simple act of kindness to a lifetime commitment. Preparing a favorite meal is as much a loving behavior as a marriage proposal. They both represent a conscious choice to show love for another.
Loving behavior is also concrete by nature. It gives form to our emotions and helps love endure. It is important parents share the solid side of love with their children. As with most behavior, children learn how to love by observing their parents. When we demonstrate loving behavior, we are, in essence, teaching our children to love. Therefore, parents who are kind and respectful have children who are as well. Because they witnessed this behavior in their parents, these children equate kindness and respect with love. Then when it comes time to show or return feelings, these children have a solid example to follow. They also know that when given the choice, their parents chose to be loving and that they can too.
Put Love into Action...Model Loving Behaviors
- Kindness. A kind word or gesture is one of the simplest ways to show your love. Let your children in on this secret by talking about kind deeds. If your child wants to know what you are doing in the kitchen, give him the whole answer. You aren’t fixing dinner. You are cooking a nutritious meal for him because you love him.
- Respect. The word respect can conjure up some unwelcome images for the question authority generation. In reality, however, respect is no more than accepting people for who they are. On a basic human level, everyone is entitled to your respect. The best way to teach this is by giving your children the respect they deserve. They will undoubtedly return the favor.
- Discipline. Like respect, discipline has gotten some bad press. When used properly, discipline is actually loving guidance. If a child is having a difficult time communicating, he may resort to hitting for attention. By disciplining him when this occurs, his parents are guiding him away from inappropriate behavior.
- Commitment. A strong commitment promotes love by instilling a sense of security. Be sure to verbalize your commitment to your child. For instance, if he struggles with going to the doctor, tell him why you insist he go. Let him know that as his parent you are committed to keeping him strong and healthy. A commitment that includes teaching him to eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, and regularly visit the doctor.
- Forgiveness. One sign of strong love is the capacity to forgive. When you quarrel or disagree with a partner, family member or friend, let your child be privy to the make-up. By seeing forgiveness in action, your child will realize that getting hurt is part of every relationship. So is forgiveness.
Copyright © Dr. Caron B. Goode is the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents International, a training and certification program for parent coaches. She is also the founding editor of InspiredParenting.net and author of eleven books, the most recent of which is Help Kids Cope with Stress & Trauma. For more information on The Academy for Coaching Parents International or to sign up for academy announcements, visit website. Reprinted with permission.
|
