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6 Ways to Cultivate a Thankful Heart
With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, you may find yourself spending more and more time thinking about the things in your life that you are thankful for. The importance of your health, your family and your friends suddenly seem magnified as the holiday season tends to prompt people to consider if they’ve been taking these precious gems for granted.
By definition, thankfulness is being aware, appreciative and grateful for all that you have. And in today’s fast food society, where immediate gratification and a sense of entitlement are consistently being ordered up, our kids and families can use reminders to cultivate this much desired attitude of gratitude.
As a parent, you begin to think about and express gratitude for your own life blessings this season, you have the awesome opportunity to take advantage of a natural learning moment to continue to cultivate a thankful heart within your child.
Here’s a half dozen ways how.
1. Be a role model. Children are the world’s best imitators, so allow your child to see you expressing your thankfulness. During your day, always take time to thank people who have provided you with a service, like a teller, clerk or waitress, and let your child hear you give thanks for the things in your life that you are grateful for. Consider incorporating a time of thanksgiving prayer or contemplation into your day, perhaps by saying grace before dinner, or a short family prayer before bed. Consistently modeling gratitutde is one coaching tool that you can use to help cultivate a thankful heart within your child.
2. Coach your child to give thanks. If there are times when it is appropriate for your child to express thankfulness and he doesn’t, gently coach him to give thanks by prompting him with a reminder like "Mrs. Smith did something very kind for you. What should you say?" Giving your child the words to express thanksgiving provides him with a vocabulary of thanks.
3. Teach true gratitude. True gratitude focuses on the gift giver, rather than the gift. It’s counting your blessings and giving thanks to the one who blesses. Encourage your child to consider the thought and love that is behind each gift or kind action. Teach your child to give thanks for the person rather than focusing on the gift or deed alone. Coaching a child to write personal thank you notes for gifts that they’ve received is one hands-on way for your child to learn this valuable lesson.
4. Take the focus off "things." Part of having a thankful heart is acknowledging and appreciating what you already have. Instead of rewarding your child for a job well done with a material object, like a new toy, take time to express your thankfulness by offering purposeful praise by saying "Thank you for _____" and spending time together doing something special. Baking cookies, reading a book or going for a walk together are all wonderful non-materialistic ways to say "Thank you. I acknowledge and appreciate your effort". Expressing gratefulness with words and actions is a coaching tool that you can use to shift your child’s focus off of pricy rewards and onto the things already in his possession.
5. Mix children and chores. From picking up her toys to clearing her plate off the dinner table, chipping in to care for the things that she has will instill a sense of responsibility and dignity within your child. A child who is coached to care for what she has will develop a sense of gratefulness and appreciation for the things in her care.
6. Tackle a community project. What better way for your child to appreciate the abundance of blessings that he has than to see others who have not? Prepare a meal for a shut-in, or collect gently used jackets for children who don’t have coats to keep them warm. Have younger children donate some of their toys to a homeless shelter. Coach your child to acknowledge the things that she has and to be grateful for them, rather than focusing on all of her wants and "have to haves". It can be hard for a child to comprehend the difference between her "wants" and her "needs" and even harder for her to understand that that not everyone has what she does. Providing an opportunity for a child to tangibly give of her abundance to those who are in true need can send a clear and powerful message: "We have a lot to be thankful for."
While Thanksgiving provides the perfect moment to introduce or reinforce the concept of thankfulness to your children, continue being conscious of your blessings and expressing your gratefulness for them and their givers throughout the year. Chances are, if you do, you’ll cultivate hearts full of thanks in all of your family members.
Copyright © Dr. Caron B. Goode. Caron Goode's (EdD) insights are drawn from her fifteen years in private psychotherapy practice and thirty years of experience in the fields of education, personal empowerment, and health and wellness. She is the author of ten books and the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents, a training program for parents & professionals who wish to mentor other parents. Send her an email. Reprinted with permission.
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