One of my children has a friend who is going through a difficult time spiritually. They are not so much questioning the beliefs they grew up with as they are rebelling against them and choosing to say things that are disturbing.
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Tag-Archive for ◊ Elisabeth Corcoran ◊
I have this epic fear when it comes to my children and it’s bigger than any of my other fears combined when it comes to them:
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Every day, I am watching my children’s naiveté be stripped away from them, and it’s heart-breaking. They recently had to learn that sometimes people you care about will lie to you. They’ve also seen that not everyone will come clean, even when given the opportunity. My kids are in a long season of learning what not to do, how not to live their lives, and it hurts my heart to watch them have to go through this.
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Going through a divorce with children in tow can either sink you – which it has at times – or it can give you a plethora of lessons to pass along – which it so totally has. And though there are a thousand things I want to teach my children and so much I still want them to know before they have to handle life on their own, there is one main thing that I would want them to know how to do above all else, and it would be this:
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I went for a walk with one of my best friends last week. The neighborhood she currently lives in is my old neighborhood. We were walking along very familiar sidewalks. At one point, mid-conversation, I started to cry. I realized that fifteen years ago, I had walked those exact sidewalks with my daughter in a stroller. I could picture what she looked like, what I looked like. I could feel the stroller handle in my hands. I could see myself bending down to pick up a sippy cup she had tossed out, to pick up dolly. I could hear myself talking to her in baby talk, pointing out the leaves and the houses and the cars going by. I also realized that fifteen years ago I had found out I was pregnant with my son.
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My divorce was three days out, I had just been to church with my kids, and I was sad. Like, you could tell just by looking at me kind of sad.
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Before I had children, I was the good touch/bad touch lady in the local school district. I would go into schools and speak to first, third and fifth graders about personal body safety. With the younger kids, there would be a video and a teddy bear, but with the fifth graders, we could get into some good conversations.
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I have always second-guessed myself as a mother, never considering myself to be good enough. I look around and see other moms doing amazing things with their kids and I feel like I don’t stack up. Like I’m letting huge things fall through the cracks of my kids’ psyches. Like they should get along better. Like we should have more game nights or something.
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My daughter, who I’ve been writing about in this column for over ten years now, just got her drivers’ permit. I took her to the DMV yesterday and watched her take her written test. We high-fived and jumped up and down when she passed. And then we went driving around a parking lot. My baby is not a baby anymore.
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It was hard on me as a kid when my parents got divorced. It could be for this very reason that I’m so… ummm… mad at myself, maybe…so concerned about my own kids during this time.
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